Haven't blogged in a while, guess I had nothing interesting to say. Blogging tonight because I do, well maybe not interesting, but want to rant. First of all, so sick and tired of hearing about Rob Ford and Justin Bieber, I mean really? Do we have nothing else more interesting going on in the world other then the antics of these two idiots? Why yes, yes we do. Can we not worry about the sheer destruction of our planet and the wars, mayhem and killing of innocent people taking place every single day on our planet instead of what these two Morons are doing? I get so sick of it all, so over whelmed  by the sheer stupidity and ignorance of humans that I often simply bury my head in the sand and hide from the world. I can't deal with it all, I have my own problems.

And although my issues are so simple compared to the world's, they are huge to me. I try to put them in perspective and down play them, but in doing so, they never go away. I know I am so lucky, I have a good life, better than millions of people in this world. I have a home, a husband and daughter that I adore and they are healthy and happy, I have animals that I love dearly as well and they are also healthy and happy.  We are doing well financially, get by happily without too much effort.

But I find myself often questioning what I'm missing out on, or what's missing from my life. And I often get angry when I think about family and friends and I use the term very loosely these days, for it seems these two words mean nothing to some of them. My family has always been a mess for lack of better terms, dis jointed, lost to each other, and far, far away from ever being "A family". After my father passed away we completely turned on each other and we no longer speak, we haven't in over 10 yrs. And none of my relatives  ever reach out to me, interestingly enough, they all have their either one parent still alive or tons of siblings. I have neither.

Not one of them know me, care to know me or have any idea of what my life is like, how lonely it is for me. They simply judge me, negatively for the most part.

It is what it is, I get angry about it, but can't change it. So I used to turn to my friends, and again, I use this term loosely. Because two of my "Good friends" that I've known for many years totally used me and then tossed me aside. That hurt, pissed me off and made me so angry that I often feel like I can't recover from it. These two women were like sisters to me. I would have and actually did do whatever I could to help them, and I was tossed aside like I was nothing. It has made me very bitter and I struggle every day to get past this.

I am very confrontational and found myself getting worse with  this as I get older, so I took the time to figured out  that it was simply my frustrations and anger at what's been done to me surfacing. I am learning here lately to control it and simply walk away, it's not worth my energy to let others ruin my day.

When life over whelms me I simply grab my camera and take off in my truck and go be one with nature and take pictures, it's my release. I quite simply "Snap" my peace and sometimes share it with others, most times not. I've "Snapped" over 40,000 pictures since I've lived here in Newfoundland.

This  is where my father always wanted to live and I feel his soul close to me sometimes when I'm out alone on a cliff with the  wind howling around me. Sometimes I can almost hear his voice telling me to "Buck up" and not get so down.

I often think this is why my sister hates me so much, because I now live in the one place my father found such peace.

She always hated me, just more so now because I'm here and she's not.
We had a hard life with our Mom, she was, by todays standards, Bi Polar.
She was verbally and physically  abusive, more so to my brother and sister, I was protected by my sister a lot.
And that is another reason I think my sister hates me, because I never suffered as much as she did and  she did suffer at my Mother's hands, a lot.
 Mom's wrath reached out to me in a different way, at the hands of kids also living on Base (we lived in C.F.B Borden at the time, military communities are small and every one knows everyone  and knew their business).They all knew about Mom's illness and they tormented me because of it. I was chased daily over the path that led  from my school to my house, and I was beaten  with sticks and rocks for a couple of years. Until one day I got really pissed and fought back, they never bothered me again.


All 3 of us kids paid for her illness in one way or another and it did indeed leave marks on all of us as  adults.

I guess my point is, no matter how hard you try as an adult to leave crap from childhood behind you, sometimes it follows you. And sometimes it effects your judgement as an adult. You don't often make the best choices as grown ups when choosing friends and you become a hard human being despite your best efforts to not do so.

So I guess what I'm meaning to say is this...Life can be aggravating, people more so and the world even more  so than people.

I guess we have to decide at the end of the day what is most important to us, all of us individually. Is it the Justin Beiber, the Rob  Fords, our dysfunctional families, our lousy friends? Or is it our loved ones that have stuck by us through it all, the things, people, animals, jobs or life we love the most that mean the most, that we should care about?

Clearly, it is those things we should use our energy on. Nothing else matters. You have to learn to let go, accept the things that are, remember what we have as opposed to  what we don't have, and be so grateful for who we have, for as long as we have them. Let go of the past, as hard as that can be, holding on to the past will never help you see or accept the future, embrace it, it may turn out to be really great.

As I always say, I'm a work in progress, we all are.

Good night and thanks for reading.
J.




 

Haven't blogged in a while, mostly because I've been busy growing, changing and evolving...So much has changed for me and in my life. I've learned a lot, accepted more, and hoped for less. I lost a few friends in the last 2 years, well I guess they weren't friends really if they could be so easily lost. But I have finally accepted that it wasn't actually me, or anything I did, it was them. And I allowed myself time to grieve for friendships I thought I had. And I have moved on, and grown as I said. Life is good here, it's just become so good, I'm happy, content and have so much more than I ever realized I had. Christmas is almost upon us and with it comes the hectic schedule of trying to get everything done before the holidays arrive. I wake up each day and instead of  looking at what I don' t have or have lost, I look instead at what and who I have. This time of year is so hard for me, I miss my Father and Mother so much, often wondering how different my life would be if they were still here. I really have no family of my own that I stay in touch with or that really cares about me. But I do have an awesome husband, just amazing daughter, hopefully soon to be son in law, terrific fur kids and a few great friends that I adore, that have stuck by me through it all. This time of year brings out all the "Nice" in us and I often wonder why we can't find a little more "Nice" in ourselves all year long?
Why do we have to wait until Christmas every year to do a little more, be a little nicer and go a little further for others?
Sad really when you thing about it, we could make such a change in the world if we could just try a little harder year round.
I find myself as I get older really paying attention to the world and the people in it, trying harder to be kinder, more helpful. If I can make a difference in someone's day with just a little more kindness, well than I do that.
And maybe, just maybe you can do that as well. Take a second to do something kind for someone else, spare some change or a few bucks and pay for a coffee for someone, a meal even. A kind word goes a long way too, if you see an animal in need, do something. Call someone, take them in for a few days until you can find help. If you see a family in need, buy them some groceries, anonymously if you wish, open a door for someone, hold a door, wish them a good day. Smile more, laugh more, find joy in things you do, be silly, make a difference for someone, or for an animal in need. But do something. While you can. Our time here is limited, make it as valuable as you can, make a  difference. And remember, never let anyone make you feel like your less or question who you are because they decide to be uncaring humans, there are so many good folks who know and appreciate you and your value in their lives. If you go through life doing nothing when something needs to be done, how are you any better than those doing nothing at all to help another living being? Let this Christmas spirit continue to live in your heart all year long, this is not a religious thing, it's a human thing.

Have we become sheep?

Usually I am whining about my own life or experiences...Tonight I wish to address what we, as a whole have become or what I percieve we have become..Sheep. We are scared of reprecusions so we do nothing when we see people doing wrong, we will bitch about it in our homes but will do nothing in the real world. Here in my own little town and in my area there was a horse left in a paddock, no food, no water for weeks. This animal was near death when found, no one reported it until it was almost too late. And why, well because people feared the owners would come back on who ever called. Are we so afraid that we will let this go on? What have we become? The media is the worse offender, the drive the fear into us, they make us afraid to react or do anything. Nothing in this world will change of we sit back and do nothing. There comes a point in our life when we have got to stop being afraid and get off our Arses and do something. Recently I came across this article in which a young boy broke a fight up in his school yard between 2 kids, one had a knife. He didn't pause for a second to worry about his own safety, he simply reacted and stopped the fight. His school suspended him instead of commending him.This is the article.
http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/06/06/was-a-canadian-student-punished-by-his-school-after-stopping-a-knife-wielding-classmate/
I plead with all of you that take the time to read my blog, stop being afraid, please do something. If you see a child, animal or anyone for that matter being abused, neglected or hurt, do something, call someone, do whatever you can to stop it or help them.
We need to stop being sheep, change will happen if we do something to make it so.
Use your voice, you have it for a reason. The only change that will happen in this world really does begin with you, you may think you can't make a difference, but you can. If everyone, or at least a whole lot of people raise their voice against the wrong in this world, things would change. Yea, it's a very simplistic view, but really things in life are either black or white, right or wrong, yes or no. There is no gray area.People that want to excuse bad behaviour, explain away bull shit and get away with crap decide that some things fall into "The gray" area. Well no, as I said, it's right or wrong, yes or no, black or white. Life is simple, people make it difficult. We're screwing our planet up, making life so complicated for our kids, sending them mixed messages everyday. Many parent try their best to teach their kids good lessons, but raising them in a world where there is so much unrest, dishonesty, crime and bullshit, well are we really surprised when good kids go bad? It must be so daunting for them coming up in this world, seeing all the negative stuff happening and wondering if they can make a difference, or how for that matter. We need to try to clean up our mess before we turn this world over to them, they will run it someday soon. I guess my whole point is, we need to fix what we can, while we can. Stepping up to the plate, taking responsibility, making changes and doing what we can to turn over a decent world to the next generation, it's on our shoulders. So I guess showing them by example is probably the best way, so if you see something wrong, do something. Even if it's a simple as making a phone call and trying to get help for that child, animal or adult, do that and show your child it's a good thing to get involved, to help out in any way you can.And by the way, when you call the Police, S.P.C.A or C.A.S (Childrens aid Society) here in Canada and C.P.S ( Child Protective Services) in the States, you remain anonomous, this applies in the states as well. No one knows it was you that called. So please make that call if you know or suspect it's happening. Save someone or an animal from more pain.
 

So here we are welcoming spring, a time for renewal of life of birds, blooms and buds and yet us humans are stilll killing each other. Recently, in Kentucky, a 5 yr old boy took a child sized rifle, purchased for him by his parents and shot and killed his 2 yr old sister. And as I watch the news and listen about a company that actually makes small sized rifle designed for young kids, I wonder to myself, why? And what parent in their right mind would buy a 5 yr old a rifle? And why would they store this rifle and the ammo within reach of this kid? The mother turned her back for a few moments and thats all it took for this kid to grab the gun and shoot and kill his little sister. No doubt thinking he was just playing, not intending to hurt her, not understanding what a dangerous thing he held in his hands. And  because of the sheer stupidity of his parents and this equally stupid company manufacturing these "Little" rifles this poor kid will live the rest of his life knowing he killed his sister. And a 2 yr old was robbed of her right to live, she will never grow up, graduate, fall in love, get married, have kids, etc. In the blink of an eye her life ended because her parents decided to buy her brother a rifle and either leave it loaded or leave the ammo where he could not only reach it, but knew how to load it. And the NRA and gun lovers come out of the wood work like termites defending the parents and the right for the average citizen to own these guns. Once again uttering the oold faithful quote"Guns don't kill people, people kill people". Really? So what if this kid was armed with a Nerf baseball bat instead, would his sister still be dead? Of course not, becasue his parents bought him a gun, which he killed his sister with. A gun did that. News Flash NRA, guns do kill  people and if guns were not in folks  hands, less people would die from gun deaths. I blog about this issue but I know it won't make a difference because people generally don't care, if it doesn't affect your life, you will sit back and do nothing but bitch in  your living room. You won't get up and attend rallies or protests, you won't email your member of parliment, or senator and alot of you won't even leave your homes to vote. In Canada during our last electorial vote only 58% of Canadians voted, 58%, does that not shock you? The power to change this world lays in our hands, but we chose not to act upon it, we have the power but we allow that power to remain in the hands of politicians, who continually abuse that power. They take our money, start wars for profit, attempt to force their religous beliefs upon us, and are ruining our planet and don't  give a shit about doing so because they are getting richer in the process.Our world is in danger of collapsing, there is no other option  for us if it all goes to shit, we have no where to go. The artic ice is melting at an alarming rate, faster than anticipated and people do not realize the effect  this will have on food sources in this world. I guess we  should get used to guns being around because if all of our food sources are eliminated or in danger of disappearing all together we won't be fighting wars in distant countries, we'll be fighting each other right here in our own country. Our politicians know this is happening, some  deny it but most don't care. Just  as they all know what guns are doing to society, some care, most do not because the NRA is such a powerful force and line the pockets of alot of politicains in the form of campaign contrubitions. And in doing so they ensure the right of the average citizen to own a assault rifle and for companies like the one that manufactures "little rifles" to continue to do so. I personally am terrified of whats happening in our world, of whats going to happen if we don't stop poluting our planet, allowing just anybody the right to own an assault rifle, if we don't get a grip on those who run our countries and make them tow the line.

I'm sad us humans just don't seem to care and won't do anything until it actually impacts our life. Only then do people get pissed off enough to react, do something, anything. I'm terrrified of guns and I'm scared everytime I go out some idiot will pull one out and take his bad day out on me and other innocent folks. And  I fear whats happening to our planet, I watch the  news and see storms, hurricanes, tornados, sunamis and earth quakes devestating entire cities and it scares the hell out of me. I know I alone cannot stop these big companies from polluting our planet, from spilling oil into our oceans killing the sea creatures, and in the end killing many of our food sources. And I often wonder what it will take for us to wake up and do something. Will it be  when the animals are all dead, the crops will no longer grow, the forests are depleted and everyone runs around with a gun because it's the only way to protect what little we have left? Perhaps it sounds extreme, but it really is going to come to this  if we don't do something to change it while we can.People seem to have given up and our world is dying, we have become a society of "discard it when it doesn't work or gets tough".

 

Another day, another lesson.

Been awhile since I last blogged, you know how life is, gets busy and you tend to put stuff off. I have been dealing with someone who once was a friend, and I made the mistake of  loaning her money. This is ALWAYS a bad idea, a sure way to kill a friendship. Because in true crappiness form, she burned me. She paid back a wee bit of it, then our friendship ended and she stopped paying. Nothing makes you feel more like a shmoo then helping friends out only to have them screw you in the end. I helped 2 of my friends, (or 2 people I thought were friends actually) out and of course they both screwed me. Nothing feels worse than this, realizing your friendships were not what you thought, that they exsisted only in your mind. What you thought you had with these people was in reality, fake, they never cared about you, only what you could do for them. And once they both got what they wanted, they ditched me. Both of them have this idea that it's fine to take from ayone that has more than them, that life owes them something, and if life won't give it to them, they'll take it from whomever they can. Without of course, any sort of  remorse or gratitude to whomever they are taking it from. And this can be a real kick in the teeth to your soul, if you let it. And I did let it, for a while. Then I realized neither of them will ever enjoy a true friendship, they will never have a long lasting, trusting realtionship with anyone because they consistantly use people. I however, have some very good friends who have stood by me and never let me down. And it is for this reason and for their exsistance in my life that I do not give up on people all together. Despite all the Arseholes out there, well, there is still some good folks and we must keep our chins up and be grateful for them. The thing that really Cranks My Craw (pisses me off) is that both of these females know how hard my road has been to get here, life handed me or my husband nothing, We fought through very hard times to get here, to have the few things we do have. We were only too happy to help out these 2 women because I actually considered them family, sisters. And they both knew how my own family treated me, screwed me and they still went ahead and happiliy screwed me without remorse. That makes it even worse, but I digress, I must let the anger go, release these fools from my mind and life and move on.. It's harder some days than others. So I fill my days with trying to get a struggling business off the ground, my family (beautiful, talented daughter and amazing husband) my fur kids,6 in total, my home, my gardens and my life. And I learn everyday what and who is important to me, I leave useless, negative humans in my dust, where they belong. I hope you do this too, negative people only drain you and your life. Leave them behind and move forward.Your future will be so much brighter without them.

When life hands you lemons, throw them at idiots

Reading the news this morning I see yet another child was killed by a gun in Arizona, on a "Shooting Holiday" with his family this 7 yr old accidently shot himself with an Automatic hand gun. That makes a total of 3 kids in the last month, I have to ask why? What on earth possesses you to allow a 7 yr old to even hold a loaded automatic weapon and why in the hell are you going on a "Shooting" holiday with your family? What the hell ever  happened to going to Disney Land with the family?

Since when did we become a society that so casually hands guns to our children and think it's perfectly normal? In Kentucky last week a 5yr old boy shot and killed his sister with a rifle especialally designed for young kids that his  parents had bought for him. Seriously? What the hell are you thinking buying your 5 yr old a rifle and why would you either leave it loaded or leave the ammo where he could get it and why did he know how to load it if it wasn't loaded??

Are there not enough guns in this world that we are now buying them for our children? This makes me so angry, frustrated, disgusted and sad all at the same time.

This peticular blog is going to be all over the place tonight because my thoughts are just that, all over..
I'm sick of gun lovers spewing their jibberish, making excuses everytime an idiot grabs a gun and kills people, or a kid gets their hands on a gun and kills another kid.

I'm sick of hearing about yet another politician spewing their crap,lies, ridiciulous shit, forcing their religious views upon the public.

Sick of hearing about idiots abusing children and animals...Pedophiles running rampant  through society and not being punished to the fullest extent of the law.

We, as a society have the responsibility of watching out for each other, of stopping these deceitful Politicians from the lies and vileness they spread in our world.

The only way this world will ever change is if we change it. Sitting on our arses and bitching in our homes won't change it.
We have to make good choices when we vote, and thats not always easy when you only have a bunch of arseholes to choose from.

But if we do enough complaining when they make it to office, we can change it.

I'm having a very bad day, a day where I'm so discouraged with humanity and so worried about our current state  of the world.

If we don't  change, do something about all the very bad folks using up good real estate in our world, what will happen to the rest of us?

Our enviroment is suffering because of our ignorance, there is no Planet B, we have no where to go if we screw this up. So why are we not doing something while we still have a slim chance to?

We're polluting our planet, killing each  other over such stupid, stupid things, allowing bad folks to have us living in fear and being so greedy when in the end, it just won' matter what you have, how much money you have or who you screwed to get it. At the very most we can learn to be good to each other, to do something useful, make a difference and when we die,others will hopefully remember us and not only learn from our good behaviour but carry it on for future generations.

I wake up everyday with hope, so happy the sun is shinning or that I can feel the rain but I also know somewhere  in the world someone is suffering, a child is hurting, poeple are killing each other, someone is abusing an animal and there isn't  a single thing I can do about it.

But maybe, just maybe if enough people start to care, we can change things. Even the smallest effort can make a difference, I hope everyone wakes up someday and wants to make a change. I can only hope.

And at the very least I can hand out lemons, so you can throw them at an idiot. That'll make a difference, well, at least to you, you'll feel better.